BeheMOTH

The other night I brought Ella out for her final toilet trip before bed. All was well until we were at the door to go back inside, when Ella spotted something horrifying on the ground: a giant pink-and-gray moth. This sucker was the biggest moth I've ever seen - it was at the same time both fascinating and repulsive. Like watching a trainwreck in slow motion (Britney Spears???), I just couldn't tear my eyes away.

Now most of you know I loathe moths; they're like the retarded, deformed, drunken rejects of the butterfly world. They somehow manage to sneak their way into the house and find the light on my nightstand and continuously bash themselves into the bulb, making not only an annoying clacking sound, but they really stink when they finally burn up from the hot light bulb. And don't even get me started when they actually fly into me.

This moth knew that Ella wanted to do battle. It puffed itself up and spread its wings and reared back like a threatened crayfish - trying to scare Ella off with its imposing wingspan (dude, I was totally freaked out so it made me back off!). Ella accepted its challenge by sniffing it, sneezing on it, then sniffing it again. The two foes slowly circled each other like valiant Roman gladiators (Russell Crowe vs. Joaquin Phoenx in Gladiator) before making their attacks. The moth, too heavy to take full flight, fluttered drunkenly at Ella's feet, while Ella continued to taunt it by sniffing and licking.

The battle raged on. Frankenmoth had obviously miscalculated its opponent and was in full retreat mode, but Ella was relentless. She picked the moth up in her mouth and shook her head back and forth, and the nasty moth would fling out of her mouth and land on the ground, where it would be picked up and flung around some more. She batted it around between her paws like a cat. She ripped off its legs, one at a time. Finally she dropped it at my feet like a gift. But the thing wouldn't die, no matter how hard Ella shook it around or how many of its appendages she peeled off. So we left the creature and it scuttled off to the body shop for some very necessary repairs.

Last night Ella actually managed to sneak a giant locust into the hotel room (what is it with this dog and giant bugs?) - the thing was about four inches long before it was systematically dismembered, its body parts strewn about the hotel room like empty beer cans at a frat party. (Sorry, we watched "Old School" last night so I had to throw in the frat party reference) I don't have any pictures of this carnage...just use your imagination.

And this post wouldn't be complete without some random funny pictures of the girls.

Methinks these glasses give me an intelligent appearance.
Or at least an excuse to use “methinks.”


Too bad these aren't poppies…